Hmms...
Today went out with Yuin Hwei to buy books for school!~


While waiting for YuinHwei, i saw someone familar.
I think is him la, i saw the backview only though.
But, the way he walk is totally the same as mrNG. Like ah beng. Hahas..
He was with a girl la.
Dont know why i still felt a little uneasy when i start thinking about him with a girl & blah blah blah goes on...
Perhap this 2 years of 'love' hasnt end.
Yah. Actually, i had been cheating on myself that i had gave up on him.
Im a Capricorn, i seek perfect relationship but, afraid to get hurt at the same time.
I think he is perfect although other people dont think the same way.
Apparently, i took his flaws as 'cute-ness'

Since Secondary Two till now i am going to be Secondary Five,
I had be single just because of him.
I meant i can easily find someone who like me more than i like them to be with.
But, because of him i didnt.
Because, i believe i should only be with the one i like.
& He is the one.

This year, i never spoken anything about him.
Really, i hope to end everything.
& not being a burden or hassle to him.
I had to act as if i dont like him anymore to stop everyone gossips.
& to cheat myself that i dont like him.
But, whenever i get to bump into him in the corridoor or at canteen.
I really cant stop myself to look at him for another time.
This feeling is soo weird. Like i suddenly forget what i supposed to do.

Sometimes, i really regreted telling him how i feel.
Because, i know he doesnt like me.
Because, Kelly just dont have anything to like about then.

Somehow, i think now, i changed alots.
Suddenly, i felt all those i did in the past is soo childish.
But, if i kept a secret about it, will i regret too?
Life is full of regrets i think.

I saying all this because this year is his last year in Bowen.
Perhap after he take his O levels results, we will never ever meet again.
Typing the sentence of 'never ever meet again' made me feel sour. Real sour.
Hahas.
I expected this day to come also la.
there is a chinese saying:
天底下沒有不散的宴席.
Everyone will go seperate way one day, it only matters of when.
For us, is early.
We only know each other for 3 years i think.
From our Secondary Two camp.

Hahas.
And the reason why i will like him is very childish & lame.
But, that was only the starting.
It is because, i wanna forget someone.
Not because of how good he is.

But, soon... I being to like him as himself.
Not because i wanna forget someone anymore.
& made me really really like him.
Until now, two years plus already.
Even i try to forget him, i cant do it.
I dont know why too.


I said before, i want nothing from him.
Actually, i lied.
Who doesnt want someone they like to like them back?
Who doesnt want to be with someone they like?
But, i only can lie and say i dont want.
I felt silly really, even now when i type all this.
I felt really really silly.
But, all this are my true feeling.
And i know he wont know it.
But, i just need to place to show it.

Next year, he will no longer be around.
Somehow, i think school will be short of something.
The feeling isnt right i think.
Not much motivation to go school.
I must get used to this 'new enviroment'
Because, i used to the enviroment with him for 2 years.

oyah!
& the most important date of my 16 years life is 05 July 2005.
The day where i met him.
Count him unlucky to be the same group as me during camp.
Hahas. (: